This is a tricky article, because it is not easy to project the inside of my brain into words. But here goes the best representation in words, how I try to solve any problem or situation as an adult, intelligent person with autism.
I tend to think as a tree, when I encounter a problem in life: Continue reading “How do I think?”
There I was, standing perplexed and silent at the AH cashier with four bottles of milk. Just standing there, while my mind was entirely frozen, as I tried (like usually) to focus upon one sound and one task at the same time. This all started when a very loud alarm system went off at another cashier. Continue reading “Sensory overload in the supermarket”
Disorders do not always appear alone, but another one (or more) might be attached with it. For example, those with anxiety disorders may also suffer faster from depression. In the medical terminology this is known as a comorbidity. I also have a few extra comorbidities.
Continue reading “What is a comorbidity?”
This solution was already a few times under discussions by my previous two psychiatrists, to help me finding some structure back, but tried to push away this medicine for as long as I could, because of the bad experiences with Rilatine and Concerta around my 23 years old. Because of a huge structural needs, it was time to try this again… Continue reading “Again on Rilatine! – medicine”
Showering is quite an important fact in life, we cannot disagree upon that and since I live alone, it has to happen economically, efficiently and ecologically; in short: to not waste too much water (and money) on a daily base.
Because I got no time concept, I can stand under my shower for ten minutes but also for an hour, depending how cold it is outside and maybe because the position of the planets with the sun, who knows?!
Basically, there is no real indicator of time in my bathroom, till it got me thinking for solutions. It didn’t only get me thinking how to shower most efficiently, but also if my showering routine was sufficient enough towards general hygiene.. Continue reading “How to shower most efficiently?”
I’ve experienced it as a heavy hammer falling from high on my head, after working for 12 years uninterrupted for 18-22 hours a day. Everything went dark, gray, impossible. Even a conversation with a friend was difficult. Searching for help was impossible, nothing was possible to do anymore. Continue reading “How a burn-out felt like”
That burning feeling,
I can’t sleep at night,
Looking at the ceiling,
Had a nice future at sight,
Love couldn’t keep us together,
No fighting to survive,
No talking made it wither,
It went dead after being so alive.. Continue reading “Love is not autistic”
This time it was time to try Abilify, a medicine which is usually used to treat schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, but which gave remarkable effects with a certain test-group of people with autism according my psychiatrist. It was given to me to treat anxiety and to get me a little bit more open towards communication with others. Continue reading “Abilify, my experience – medicine”
This book explains a lot in detail what is going on in the mind of an autistic person. It is in many aspects so near to my experiences in life, that it became sort-of a guide or a bible, how I work inside my brain. I got to give credit to my psychiatrist for giving me the title to this great book called “Brein Bedriegt” by Peter Vermeulen.
You will be able to read a few rough translations straight from the book, that especially apply to me, but most likely also to a lot more autistic people, besides me. I have left many citations as whole, to be able to get the full context. This does not mean all the details in that citation will all apply upon me or any other person with autism. There are so many variants of autism and comorbidities, giving different results and behaviors.
If you are having autism or you are connected with it, this book is totally worth reading. It is for as far as I know only available in Dutch, so I have taken the liberty to translate the most important quotes, which I find most applicable towards me.. Continue reading “Brain Deceives (Brein Bedriegt) – Book”
Today something very tragic happened on the train from Antwerpen to Den Haag (train 1222 from 10:36). The conductor went totally out of line, because he assumed I was an east-European guy without a ticket; so it escalated from verbal violence straight to physical violence and an unlawful arrest by the authorities. This is a rough translation.
Conductor: Hey, you there, Ticket!
Me: Ok, moment <while taking off my backpack>
Conductor: No! TICKET NOW!!
Me: hey! May I maybe take it?!
Conductor: I saw you moving from behind to the front, your TICKET NOW IMMEDIATELY!!
Me: I was searching a place to sit and am having a phone call, what is going on?!? Continue reading “Agression by NS personnel on train!”
Dissect my brains, I am ready!
Today was that first day of many, which I was really frightened about. I was never that comfortable with people peeking inside my brain, knowing about my past, present and possible future. This research felt exactly the same as to get ready for that colonoscopy from hell and my bowels were already complaining their way out of that office… Continue reading “The diagnosis of Asperger and ADHD”
Today, I had an appointment on time and had to use the public transportation. Because the public transportation became so crowdy, it is almost impossible to arrive at location without frustrations, a fit and/or a meltdown first.
Mostly I walk through the city, especially for that reason, because most of people don’t bother to move away from the entrance doors, leaving lots of empty space at the seating areas and too overcrowded spots at the doors. Continue reading “Crowded transportation issues”
There it is happening again, a rattling helicopter is hovering above these streets for a few hours. Almost 80dB of sound is echoing through the streets, straight into my apartment. It’s a bit comparable to a monotone noise of construction works next to your door. Continue reading “Rattling Noises pull me down!”
After waiting for a few years, I am finally invited at the Kinsbergen Orientation Center (CoS) at 13:00, for the in-take procedure and was received at the most courteous and relaxed manner. The first talk was very informative towards my girlfriend and me.
This was the moment where I could throw everything out, and let them know I think I am becoming crazy, because I cannot focus, I cannot find structure, I got no time-knowledge, I got anxieties, frustrations, why I was loosing my mind and so much more … Continue reading “Finally, the intake procedure begins!”
One of the biggest psychologists on the world has been interviewed about his book “Psychology’s Ghost”, which can be found in Der Spiegel and the Belgian Knack. This is the English version, which is too important to be ignored.
Harvard psychologist Jerome Kagan is one of the world’s leading experts in child development.
In a SPIEGEL interview, he offers a scathing critique of the mental-health establishment and pharmaceutical companies, accusing them of incorrectly classifying millions as mentally ill out of self-interest and greed. Jerome Kagan can look back on a brilliant career as a researcher in psychology. Still, when he contemplates his field today, he is overcome with melancholy and unease. He compares it with a wonderful antique wooden chest: Once, as a student, he had taken it upon himself to restore the chest with his colleagues. He took one of its drawers home himself and spent his entire professional life whittling, shaping and sanding it. Finally, he wanted to return the drawer to the chest, only to realize that the piece of furniture had rotted in the meantime. If anyone has the professional expertise and moral authority to compare psychology to a rotten piece of furniture, it is Kagan. A ranking of the 100 most eminent psychologists of the 20th century published by a group of US academics in 2002 put Kagan in 22nd place, even above Carl Jung (23rd), the founder of analytical psychology, and Ivan Pavlov (24th), who discovered the reflex bearing his name. Continue reading “ADHD is an invention (by Jerome Kagan)”
My life as autist 