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Personal Info
Modified: 2026-07-29 | Created: 2026-06-20
Research Project Proposal: PROJECT EXISTENZ
Subtitle: Stateless Event-Driven 128-Bit Matrix for Low-Power Existential Forensic Reporting/Recording
Principal Architect: Gunther Voet (existenz@xsrv.net)
Target Research Group: Distributed Systems Engineering / Applied Cryptography and Privacy Labs
License: Open-Source Non-Commercial Freedom (The “Pay Up or Face the Math” Enterprise Provision)
Section: Spatiotemporal Biometric Convergence (SBC) Introspection, Classical Harmony & Mathematical Rights of Nature
Available through GitHub: https://github.com/gowildchild/Existenz
See the graphical version of it in a crude simulator here: https://gowildchild.github.io/Existenz/
To read thousands of books in one’s youth is not a passive act of consumption; it is an intense, multi-layered absorption of the human architectural template and all the workings around it. When a neurodivergent mind undergoes this level of hyper-focused immersion, the texts of the ancient masters cease to be mere ink on paper, but they become a visible representation, a living, geometric grid inside the brain. I carry a profound, unyielding respect for Pythagoras, Plato and the long line of ethical thinkers who brought these words across the centuries to my mind. They gave me the tools to look at the absolute chaos of human society and recognize it for what it truly is: a broken equation.
But at what cost? Carrying this inheritance while navigating an unfair world is a heavy burden.
Since 2012, I have watched bad actors, corporate entities and thousands of targeted threats try to exploit my AuDHD (Autism + ADHD) intelligence. They plundered me from my lifework by stealing the hard disks from my server in a hosting center in Amsterdam and hiding it under the shroud of ableism. Not only that, but they looked at a hyper-systemizing mind and saw an asset to strip, dry, and plunder. They started to attack me through the internet again, since 5 years ago, because they saw a second opportunity, facilitated by a sleeping government.
When the physical world fails you completely and when the legal systems designed to protect you turn out to be nothing but flexible, corruptible words, you are forced into the deepest quest for inner introspection. You must look inside your own consciousness and ask: Where does absolute truth hide when humanity refuses to speak it?
Philosophy is not an academic luxury; it is the absolute, foundational ethical standard required to keep a civilization from devouring itself. For showing where moral standards should be to keep the equations in harmony. Yet, in our modern landscape, philosophy has been completely undervalued, mocked and even discarded. Because society has abandoned the grueling, honest work of self-reflection, an immense moral vacuum has been created.
You got to understand something very realistic. You cannot be a realist, while being optimistic and pessimistic at the same time. Just like human rights are not at the ideal line of bit-16, which would be absolute. There always will have to be a grey area, for those that try to destroy the fabrics of civilization.
Continue reading “Existenz | Human Rights & Existential Survival in maths!”To have recognition for my talents instead of just being robbed for it.
If you read this, it means you still live in a civilization that foolishly relies on things like “laws,” “government treaties,” and “institutional integrity” to protect human rights and intellectual property. Let us disabuse you of those comforting illusions immediately. Human beings are a chaotic, deeply flawed and highly corruptible species. When individuals or institutions are handed power, their immediate evolutionary instinct is not to protect the vulnerable, but to abuse that power, steal what isn’t theirs, and manufacture a convenient lie to cover their tracks.
Traditional security models operate on the naive premise of a “trusted third party.” You are told to trust your government, trust your hosting provider and trust the justice system. But what happens when the state actors themselves become the predators?
What happens when outside hostile actors spend five consecutive years launching over 5,000 targeted threats to steal more of your software, weaponizing systemic ableism to gaslight neurodivergent creators, because society’s legal frameworks are too inefficient, slow, too stupid or even too corrupt to stop them?
Or because they just choose not to listen because of ableism?
In 2012, a group of thieves physically stole my hard drives from a data-center in Amsterdam, containing the earliest iterations of the algorithms which I am now releasing to the public, just to show the world what a person with AuDHD can make, the value of it and especially one of the more important things to me: to help society, to help and grow, protect.
Let us begin at the absolute baseline of reality: human beings are thieves, institutions are blind, and the only reason you are reading this whitepaper is that a group of uncreative corporate bottom-feeders decided to mistake a neurodivergent creator’s brilliance for a free buffet.
Continue reading “My biggest dream? To get paid for my talent instead of being robbed for it!”
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Writer’s note: After a long, unexpected break from blogging, I am stepping back into this space. Thank you to those who are here to listen, connect, and explore the deep complexities of the autistic mind with me.
So, Do you know what frisson is?
I didn’t know until I was searching for an explanation of an emotion I call “deeply crying inside.” This feeling always gets triggered when I listen to the violin and contrabass. I get the exact same reaction when listening to a live choir, to the extent that I could literally cry.
This profound connection to sound was probably one of the reasons why I was a DJ for over a decade; I realized this emotional energy was transferable to a crowd. Maybe I even need to start doing that again, while I still have the full use of my ears…
High-functioning autism often causes an intense emotional and physical reaction to music known as frisson. This is characterized by hyper-connectivity between the auditory and emotional processing centers in the brain. Stringed instruments like the contrabass and violin mimic human vocal emotional frequencies, triggering this deep reaction and leading to profound emotional releases. It is most often triggered by strings and choral music. Specific musical elements, such as the human vocal range (150–4,000 Hz), tense appoggiaturas (notes that create temporary musical tension), and resonant low frequencies, trigger these profound responses. Tracks like Max Richter’s “On the Nature of Daylight” and Hans Zimmer’s “Time” utilize these exact techniques to create intense, “bittersweet” experiences.
Continue reading “The Master Key: Why Music Reaches Me When a Hug Cannot”
At the end of February, I went on a quest for answers if it was possible to use light in the UVR spectrum [1] to contain and/or kill the spread of the new virus SARS-CoV-2.
The reason for validating my claim was because there are various articles, reports and white-papers available on-line prove that light in the UVC spectrum has a germicidal effect[2] killing pathogens like bacteria, viruses, several protozoa and fungi, after exposing them 15-30 minutes to UVC light, depending their output strength. I wanted to know if this could be a possible help (as buffer) to people with a weakened immune system.
Continue reading “Does far-UVC light (and O3) kill SARS-CoV-2?”
To be prepared or not to be,
That should not be a question.
Not enough sleep, stress and external sensory overloads affect several executive functions which makes it often (much) more difficult (or impossible) to focus, memorise, communicate, observe and understand what happens around us.
When this overloads the autistic brain, the fight-or-flight response kicks in delivering hormones that will replace the rational mind by raw and uncontrollable emotions, preventing the possibility to make well balanced and rational decisions.
This can have dire consequences for the future, especially when a choice is (immediately) required and none could be made, resulting in unwanted consequences that affect life.
It is very important that people that are close to a person with autism, to understand how invasive, confronting, uncontrollable, heavy and mentally exhausting a meltdown can be in the human brain. Most meltdowns start with an overdose of (earlier) sensory or stress overloads, which will shut down higher-order brain functions.
In a meltdown, (almost) all executive functions (like reasoning, memory, planning and decision-making) are shut down. Everything gets slower with no focus. Language is affected too and it becomes (almost) impossible to communicate adequately with others using normal structured sentences, while finding the right matching words. The brain becomes (very) chaotic because focus starts to wither. This is a moment where it becomes difficult to find a way out of the situation.
When not able to escape the situation, this neurological chaos in the brain can build up and result in a total internal cognitive shutdown or an explosive outburst, which is quite common during a meltdown. This explosive outburst may seem to come from nowhere, but it is mostly an end-result of an accumulation of sensory, cognitive and emotional overload, which may have started hours or even days earlier. Continue reading “When in meltdown, take care!”
Real-time messaging has been a great invention for many of us, except, when the time is not right, those messages could get more annoying than a wood-workshop at full volume next to the ears, pushing up those stress levels to the limits; Especially when you want to do a task which requires full attention at hand.
Everyone with a smart phone is mostly connected 24/7 to various apps, like Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp, Tumblr and (many) more. This gives the advantage to be reachable at all times, but also brings a burden to be “too much” connected to the on-line world, bringing extra sensory overloads through that (super fast) connection of your phone.
Most people want to (and can) be reachable 24/7, but with autism and ADHD, it has its perks, especially when being in a mental state where there is no more platform to communicate actively with other parties. Most people see real-time messaging as granted and can become mad when you do not respond (in a timely manner) to a message being sent to you, making the anxiety and stress only raise in level.
I’ve always had that ‘unnatural’ shyness, which is bothering me more, the older I get. A few years ago, I found out it is merely a container-word, for so much more than having a red face and being unable to talk or initiate things.
It’s a container-word with many faces. Anxiety, not knowing how someone reacts, fear of rejection, shyness and often not being able to see or know what somebody thinks of my awkward behavior at that moment.
It creates a lot of friction, because I don’t want to be a bother or a problem to anyone. But yet, it does seem to bother a lot of people, unconsciously.. Continue reading “Why is it so difficult keeping contact?”
Yesterday, I had this horrible thing happening to me again and it went way quicker than expected. I’ve already felt that the pressure was becoming too much, when my brain started to scream “STOP” towards me, but also to the people around me. It was a truly embarrassing situation, which I had been pushed into!
To avoid over-stimulation and early fatigue, I pre-order every week 2 * 6 liters of biological 3.5% fat milk, because their brand is one of the only ones, which does not turn my stomach and intestinal system into a full war-zone. As many people with autism, I got a condition in my intestinal system. Also, I was quite sick for over a week, with fever and heavy medicines, because of an urinary tract problem, making my left nut being bigger than the size of a Dinosaur-egg! That pain is indescribably high. Continue reading “Our world is not ready for autism yet..”
There it was, end of May, I had a total thermo-nuclear meltdown. I had this only about a dozen times before in my life, but when it hits me, it hits me really hard.
I had many symptoms which make me a bit worried, but which explains a lot of things which happened in the past too. Continue reading “A full meltdown in detail ..”
Now, this one is a heavy one to come out with, because it is something which I am entirely not proud of. Not only is structural order a necessity in every modern house, but it is also the only way, to be able to receive people in a “clean” environment, without getting the instant thought of being a caveman or worse. Paperwork can already make a huge difference in that setting.
Less clutter is less input and will provide more focus, upon the essential. Continue reading “How I order paperwork structurally?”
This is information on a great illustration (see below) which I found at Google images about autism. It has all key-points, while making aware that autism is: (1) not a disease but a disorder, (2) having many types and (3) the umbrella in DSM-5.
1 in 77 children age 3-17 are diagnosed with autism each year, boys are 4 x more likely than girl to have autism. There is a 10 to 17% growth annually in the USA. Autism is the fastest-growing development disorder. Continue reading “Autism Spectrum Disorder – factsheet”
This is a temporary post, noticing you that there will be a lot more to write about…
If you got a specific topic which you got questions about, feel free to ask below and I will most likely add it to the list. Expect these topics to come up soon:
Have a nice day!
It happens almost every time, when meeting someone I know and getting that first word which is Hi and I already know what the next question is going to be. It are those hidden rules of communication and social engagement, which are totally not hidden at all, but yet, not entirely understood. Because, depending on my answer to that question the rest of the conversation will either drastically change or it will just finish with a smile and a goodbye.. Continue reading “How are you? Those dreadful words!”
My life as autist 