Tag: ADHD

AutoMAutist digital auti-coach pre-release!

AutoMAutist digital auti-coach pre-release!
No man can get rich himself unless he enriches others. (Earl Nightingale)
The basic dashboard for many years with Zigbee and REST server for neurodiverse parameters.

It is finally time to port the tool that has been quietly keeping my neurodivergent operating system from crashing for about fifteen years now. As you might have read in a lot of my other articles, I carry a few built in quirks that completely derail daily life whenever they are left unaccounted for. The first preview (milestone 1) is on-line, ready to be expanded to the entire suite of tools and algorithms for stuff that matters!

My internal sense of time is as good as zero. I know I am aging just like anyone else because time keeps marching forward, yet without daylight outside I could not guess the hour to save my life. This complete blindness to time comes with a wonderful trick where I can stand under a shower for half an hour and swear only ten minutes have passed. The exact same glitch happens while listening to music, gaming or travelling, leaving sunset as my only reliable clock.

That temporal void drops me straight into the classic alley of AuDHD madness, where I show up to an appointment either painfully early or grandiosely too late. Whenever my mind gets too full or overloaded, a thick mental haze slams the brakes on my punctuality no matter how hard I try.

The harder I push to be on time, the harder I fail and the less I like myself for it.

It is no coincidence that around the age of sixteen I started building systems to compensate for my weaker traits.

Getting out of bed for school was a daily nightmare, not only for me, though also for my grandmother trying to pry me out from under the blankets. I have never been a morning person, and the earlier the alarm rang, the deeper it dragged my entire mood state into the floor until I was practically crawling across the carpet. Was it the brutal mornings, the broken sleep or the endless nocturnal pondering while staring at the ceiling? Looking back, it was clearly the hyperactivity I had nowhere to put.

That morning misery drove me to engineer a staged wake up system. First came a small bedside lamp, then a brighter light and finally a 500 watt halogen floodlight aimed straight at my face, which during freezing winters was actually rather pleasant to wait for because of the heat it threw off. That beast was basically the only halogen lamp on the market back then, driven at blazing speed by MS-DOS while I was studying electrical engineering.

Continue reading “AutoMAutist digital auti-coach pre-release!” →

While they seek AI light, time flies in darkness!

While they seek AI light, time flies in darkness!

It’s a profound, cosmic joke that you can spend an entire lifetime elegantly solving the structural anomalies of everything and everyone around you, yet your own operating system remains one of the absolute hardest to debug. We don’t need to hand out cheap, trendy clinical labels like AuDHD to everyone just to buy a ticket to this circus.

Let’s be entirely honest from start will we? While standard neuro-typical brains are out there, casually running on social auto-pilot, ours is forced to manually calculate the amount of tiles on the floor, amount of weird bottles in the room and/or the real-time settings of an entire room, as a stimming way.

While conformists are out there playing simple checkers with social cues, my system has been running strict, multi-dimensional logic gates since the age of seven. But naturally, the world doesn’t want my raw, unyielding Modulo-2 math. It wants sugar-coating. It wants a fluffy and compliant little narrative with the best rendering of a digital cherry on top, just to keep the shareholders smiling.

Continue reading “While they seek AI light, time flies in darkness!” →

Understanding the Paradox of Tolerance

Understanding the Paradox of Tolerance

⚠️ NOTICE FOR THE COGNITIVELY FAINT-HEARTED

Warning: The following manifesto contains unbuffered exposures to Karl Popper’s paradoxes, raw Platonic geometry, and absolute, uncompromised honesty regarding human nature. It is structurally incompatible with individuals who prefer the cozy comfort of collective delusions, corporate buzzwords or newspeak and administrative inefficiency.

Read at your own metabolic risk.

The simulation is to be viewed at: https://gowildchild.github.io/Existenz/ where you can see the “paradox of tolerance” is in “automatic mode”, at the right circumstances.

Project Existenz: An Exit Route from the Paradox of Tolerance

It is quite ironic that you can spend your entire life being exceptionally good at solving everyone else’s problems, while your own equations remain the most agonizingly difficult to balance. We do not need to pin a clinical label of autism and ADHD on everyone to validate this reality, but it makes the processing loop not just exponentially harder, but significantly more complicated than a neurotypical mind could ever begin to fathom.

Since a very young age, I began calculating the universe in binary, but not binary as a simplistic sequence of ones and zeros. That would be far too trivial; an immediate end of code, goodbye, until next time. No, binary as an intricate sequence of spatiotemporal events that share the exact same mathematical signatures at the precise same coordinate. One of those internal gates was always locked tight, an isolated sector I called my inner child. Perhaps that is where the soul actually hides?

By the age of seven, my consciousness was already operating strictly through logical gates. This means far more than a basic on-and-off state; it is entirely position-dependent, and it allows for an OR condition. Yet, there are so many of these internal logic gates that remain vulnerable to yourself, gates that can be forcefully toggled by an external observer. It can also occur that certain operations are mutually exclusive, meaning they simply cannot happen simultaneously due to the rigid architecture, such as an XOR NAND gate.

In my quest to assign an objective meaning to these collisions, I was driven as a young boy into the massive works of classical philosophy, systematically devouring thousands of encyclopedias and volumes into my own processing matrix, also called the brain. Several of those books crawled out of the wartime past, a meticulous preoccupation of my father back then. Among those works was Karl Popper’s text, which breaks down the paradox of tolerance. To put it simply: the more tolerant you are toward the outside world, the more the active forces of intolerance will scale up. This is infinitely more fascinating than probability metrics and chaos theory crammed onto the exact same page.

Continue reading “Understanding the Paradox of Tolerance” →

Existenz | Human Rights & Existential Survival in maths!

Existenz | Human Rights & Existential Survival in maths!

The Birth of Human Rights and Existential Survival in Mathematical Form

Modified: 2026-07-29 | Created: 2026-06-20
Research Project Proposal: PROJECT EXISTENZ
Subtitle: Stateless Event-Driven 128-Bit Matrix for Low-Power Existential Forensic Reporting/Recording
Principal Architect: Gunther Voet (existenz@xsrv.net)
Target Research Group: Distributed Systems Engineering / Applied Cryptography and Privacy Labs
License: Open-Source Non-Commercial Freedom (The “Pay Up or Face the Math” Enterprise Provision)
Section: Spatiotemporal Biometric Convergence (SBC) Introspection, Classical Harmony & Mathematical Rights of Nature

Available through GitHub: https://github.com/gowildchild/Existenz

See the graphical version of it in a crude simulator here: https://gowildchild.github.io/Existenz/

1 | The Written Word and the Burden of Inheritance

To read thousands of books in one’s youth is not a passive act of consumption; it is an intense, multi-layered absorption of the human architectural template and all the workings around it. When a neurodivergent mind undergoes this level of hyper-focused immersion, the texts of the ancient masters cease to be mere ink on paper, but they become a visible representation, a living, geometric grid inside the brain. I carry a profound, unyielding respect for Pythagoras, Plato and the long line of ethical thinkers who brought these words across the centuries to my mind. They gave me the tools to look at the absolute chaos of human society and recognize it for what it truly is: a broken equation.

But at what cost? Carrying this inheritance while navigating an unfair world is a heavy burden.

Since 2012, I have watched bad actors, corporate entities and thousands of targeted threats try to exploit my AuDHD (Autism + ADHD) intelligence. They plundered me from my lifework by stealing the hard disks from my server in a hosting center in Amsterdam and hiding it under the shroud of ableism. Not only that, but they looked at a hyper-systemizing mind and saw an asset to strip, dry, and plunder. They started to attack me through the internet again, since 5 years ago, because they saw a second opportunity, facilitated by a sleeping government.

When the physical world fails you completely and when the legal systems designed to protect you turn out to be nothing but flexible, corruptible words, you are forced into the deepest quest for inner introspection. You must look inside your own consciousness and ask: Where does absolute truth hide when humanity refuses to speak it?

2 | The Death of Philosophy and the Rise of the Extremist Void

Philosophy is not an academic luxury; it is the absolute, foundational ethical standard required to keep a civilization from devouring itself. For showing where moral standards should be to keep the equations in harmony. Yet, in our modern landscape, philosophy has been completely undervalued, mocked and even discarded. Because society has abandoned the grueling, honest work of self-reflection, an immense moral vacuum has been created.

You got to understand something very realistic. You cannot be a realist, while being optimistic and pessimistic at the same time. Just like human rights are not at the ideal line of bit-16, which would be absolute. There always will have to be a grey area, for those that try to destroy the fabrics of civilization.

Continue reading “Existenz | Human Rights & Existential Survival in maths!” →

My biggest dream? To get paid for my talent instead of being robbed for it!

Daily writing prompt
What’s your biggest dream?
View all responses

To have recognition for my talents instead of just being robbed for it.

If you read this, it means you still live in a civilization that foolishly relies on things like “laws,” “government treaties,” and “institutional integrity” to protect human rights and intellectual property. Let us disabuse you of those comforting illusions immediately. Human beings are a chaotic, deeply flawed and highly corruptible species. When individuals or institutions are handed power, their immediate evolutionary instinct is not to protect the vulnerable, but to abuse that power, steal what isn’t theirs, and manufacture a convenient lie to cover their tracks.

Traditional security models operate on the naive premise of a “trusted third party.” You are told to trust your government, trust your hosting provider and trust the justice system. But what happens when the state actors themselves become the predators?

What happens when outside hostile actors spend five consecutive years launching over 5,000 targeted threats to steal more of your software, weaponizing systemic ableism to gaslight neurodivergent creators, because society’s legal frameworks are too inefficient, slow, too stupid or even too corrupt to stop them?

Or because they just choose not to listen because of ableism?

In 2012, a group of thieves physically stole my hard drives from a data-center in Amsterdam, containing the earliest iterations of the algorithms which I am now releasing to the public, just to show the world what a person with AuDHD can make, the value of it and especially one of the more important things to me: to help society, to help and grow, protect.

Let us begin at the absolute baseline of reality: human beings are thieves, institutions are blind, and the only reason you are reading this whitepaper is that a group of uncreative corporate bottom-feeders decided to mistake a neurodivergent creator’s brilliance for a free buffet.

Continue reading “My biggest dream? To get paid for my talent instead of being robbed for it!” →

The Master Key: Why Music Reaches Me When a Hug Cannot

The Master Key: Why Music Reaches Me When a Hug Cannot

Writer’s note: After a long, unexpected break from blogging, I am stepping back into this space. Thank you to those who are here to listen, connect, and explore the deep complexities of the autistic mind with me.

So, Do you know what frisson is?

I didn’t know until I was searching for an explanation of an emotion I call “deeply crying inside.” This feeling always gets triggered when I listen to the violin and contrabass. I get the exact same reaction when listening to a live choir, to the extent that I could literally cry.

This profound connection to sound was probably one of the reasons why I was a DJ for over a decade; I realized this emotional energy was transferable to a crowd. Maybe I even need to start doing that again, while I still have the full use of my ears…

High-functioning autism often causes an intense emotional and physical reaction to music known as frisson. This is characterized by hyper-connectivity between the auditory and emotional processing centers in the brain. Stringed instruments like the contrabass and violin mimic human vocal emotional frequencies, triggering this deep reaction and leading to profound emotional releases. It is most often triggered by strings and choral music. Specific musical elements, such as the human vocal range (150–4,000 Hz), tense appoggiaturas (notes that create temporary musical tension), and resonant low frequencies, trigger these profound responses. Tracks like Max Richter’s “On the Nature of Daylight” and Hans Zimmer’s “Time” utilize these exact techniques to create intense, “bittersweet” experiences.

Continue reading “The Master Key: Why Music Reaches Me When a Hug Cannot” →

realtime messaging can be wonderful too!

realtime messaging can be wonderful too!

Real-time messaging has been a great invention for many of us, except, when the time is not right, those messages could get more annoying than a wood-workshop at full volume next to the ears, pushing up those stress levels to the limits; Especially when you want to do a task which requires full attention at hand.

Everyone with a smart phone is mostly connected 24/7 to various apps, like Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp, Tumblr and (many) more. This gives the advantage to be reachable at all times, but also brings a burden to be “too much” connected to the on-line world, bringing extra sensory overloads through that (super fast) connection of your phone.

Most people want to (and can) be reachable 24/7, but with autism and ADHD, it has its perks, especially when being in a mental state where there is no more platform to communicate actively with other parties. Most people see real-time messaging as granted and can become mad when you do not respond (in a timely manner) to a message being sent to you, making the anxiety and stress only raise in level.

Continue reading “realtime messaging can be wonderful too!” →

How I order paperwork structurally?

How I order paperwork structurally?

Now, this one is a heavy one to come out with, because it is something which I am entirely not proud of. Not only is structural order a necessity in every modern house, but it is also the only way, to be able to receive people in a “clean” environment, without getting the instant thought of being a caveman or worse. Paperwork can already make a huge difference in that setting.

Less clutter is less input and will provide more focus, upon the essential. Continue reading “How I order paperwork structurally?” →

How do I grasp time?

How do I grasp time?

There’s always a great pun with me and idioms about time. A lot of people say that time flies, every second counts, time is money and other taglines. That’s all too great, if I had any concept of time! Especially when someone says to me “wait a minute”, I get that smile on my face and instantly think: “how long do you want that minute to be?”… Continue reading “How do I grasp time?” →

Coping with (insane) stress levels

Coping with (insane) stress levels

The mind is a strange but beautiful organ, which can do great things. Mine works great and different, with a high IQ when there is no stress at all. But as soon as that demon called stress comes knocking on my door, the house starts to shake on it’s grounds.

If there is one thing which I cannot state enough about this demon, is that stress is disastrous for autism combined with ADHD. When stress gets added to the mix, it has direct effect upon my processing power, sensitivity and thinking processes. My efficiency drops by large amounts the higher the stress becomes, rendering me sometimes not possible to function good in society. Continue reading “Coping with (insane) stress levels” →

Again on Rilatine! – medicine

Again on Rilatine! – medicine

This solution was already a few times under discussions by my previous two psychiatrists, to help me finding some structure back, but tried to push away this medicine for as long as I could, because of the bad experiences with Rilatine and Concerta around my 23 years old. Because of a huge structural needs, it was time to try this again… Continue reading “Again on Rilatine! – medicine” →

How to shower most efficiently?

How to shower most efficiently?

Showering is quite an important fact in life, we cannot disagree upon that and since I live alone, it has to happen economically, efficiently and ecologically; in short: to not waste too much water (and money) on a daily base.

Because I got no time concept, I can stand under my shower for ten minutes but also for an hour, depending how cold it is outside and maybe because the position of the planets with the sun, who knows?!

Basically, there is no real indicator of time in my bathroom, till it got me thinking for solutions. It didn’t only get me thinking how to shower most efficiently, but also if my showering routine was sufficient enough towards general hygiene.. Continue reading “How to shower most efficiently?” →