The Master Key: Why Music Reaches Me When a Hug Cannot

The Master Key: Why Music Reaches Me When a Hug Cannot

Writer’s note: After a long, unexpected break from blogging, I am stepping back into this space. Thank you to those who are here to listen, connect, and explore the deep complexities of the autistic mind with me.

So, Do you know what frisson is?

I didn’t know until I was searching for an explanation of an emotion I call “deeply crying inside.” This feeling always gets triggered when I listen to the violin and contrabass. I get the exact same reaction when listening to a live choir, to the extent that I could literally cry.

This profound connection to sound was probably one of the reasons why I was a DJ for over a decade; I realized this emotional energy was transferable to a crowd. Maybe I even need to start doing that again, while I still have the full use of my ears…

High-functioning autism often causes an intense emotional and physical reaction to music known as frisson. This is characterized by hyper-connectivity between the auditory and emotional processing centers in the brain. Stringed instruments like the contrabass and violin mimic human vocal emotional frequencies, triggering this deep reaction and leading to profound emotional releases. It is most often triggered by strings and choral music. Specific musical elements, such as the human vocal range (150–4,000 Hz), tense appoggiaturas (notes that create temporary musical tension), and resonant low frequencies, trigger these profound responses. Tracks like Max Richter’s “On the Nature of Daylight” and Hans Zimmer’s “Time” utilize these exact techniques to create intense, “bittersweet” experiences.


So, is it crying of happiness or because it just sounds sad?

It can actually be both at the same time, or something even deeper.
This feeling often blurs the lines between joy and sorrow. Here is why the brain processes it this way:

1. High Aesthetic Appreciation [1, 2, 3]

* It is often “crying of happiness” from pure beauty.
* Psychologists call this a “kama muta” experience.
* It means being deeply moved by a connection.
* The brain experiences a profound awe of the sound.
* This intense awe overflows into physical tears.

2. The Comfort of Sad Music [4, 5, 6, 7, 8]

* The music may sound objectively sad or melancholic.
* Sad music triggers the release of prolactin.
* Prolactin is a hormone that consoles and calms.
* It mimics the feeling of being wrapped in a hug.
* It creates a safe space to feel deep emotions.

3. Emotional Complexity

* Autistic individuals often experience emotions with immense intensity.
* It’s feeling “bittersweetness” in its purest form.
* It is a mix of grief, beauty, nostalgia, and wonder.
* My DJ background trained my brain to catch these nuances.

Here is a short, punchy section formatted perfectly for your blog. You can copy and paste this right before your final paragraph or add it as a new numbered section.


How the AuDHD Mind Amplifies Frisson

Having a combined blueprint of both Autism and ADHD (AuDHD) creates a perfect storm for experiencing music with this level of physical and emotional intensity. It works through three distinct mechanisms in the brain:

  • The Dopamine Reward Spike: ADHD minds constantly seek dopamine. Powerful musical transitions, like a sudden shift from a low contrabass to a soaring violin, trigger a massive, rapid release of dopamine in the brain’s reward centers, heightening the physical “chills.”

  • Hyper-Focused Auditory Processing: The autistic brain processes sensory data with incredible depth and detail. When listening to a complex arrangement like a symphony, your brain hyper-focuses on the individual layers, frequencies, and vocal nuances that neurotypical ears often filter out.

  • The Emotional Accelerator: While autism provides the deep, direct wiring between sound and emotion, ADHD acts as an emotional accelerator. It makes the transition from hearing a note to physically feeling it happen almost instantly, turning a psychological appreciation of beauty into an immediate physical release of tears.

Merely a track of a gaming score has triggered this response yet again, and that’s how I ended up writing about this on my blog after so many years of silence. I am quite literally feeling the collective human experience through sound. Maybe music has always been my better way to communicate with the world?

Hopefully you enjoy this music as I have enjoyed it myself: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6FTmuf-6mY

This YouTube video is the stunning A Plague Tale Requiem: Symphony concert. It features breathtaking, melancholic performances by world-class cellist Eric-Maria Couturier and the two-time Grammy Award-winning Estonian Philharmonic Chamber Choir, conducting the brilliant compositions of Olivier Derivière. This specific piece is a masterclass in triggering frisson through deep strings and haunting choral arrangements.

[1] [https://www.psychologytoday.com](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-doctor-is-out-and-about/202602/do-happy-tears-exist)

[2] [https://www.thetimes.com](https://www.thetimes.com/life-style/health-fitness/article/science-happy-tears-boost-wellbeing-5b6p0qm5x)

[3] [https://www.theaustralian.com.au](https://www.theaustralian.com.au/health/wellbeing/how-our-happy-tears-help-us-pay-it-forward/news-story/efc22822604cb4b174f26b740cd2e0d1)

[4] [https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4513245/)

[5] [https://www.reddit.com](https://www.reddit.com/r/musictheory/comments/dzc47t/why_does_music_that_is_melancholy_and_depressing/)

[6] [https://journals.sagepub.com](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/2059204320977384)

[7] [https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4203803/)

[8] [https://www.bbc.co.uk](https://www.bbc.co.uk/learningenglish/features/6-minute-english/ep-191107)

realtime messaging can be wonderful too!

realtime messaging can be wonderful too!

Real-time messaging has been a great invention for many of us, except, when the time is not right, those messages could get more annoying than a wood-workshop at full volume next to the ears, pushing up those stress levels to the limits; Especially when you want to do a task which requires full attention at hand.

Everyone with a smart phone is mostly connected 24/7 to various apps, like Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp, Tumblr and (many) more. This gives the advantage to be reachable at all times, but also brings a burden to be “too much” connected to the on-line world, bringing extra sensory overloads through that (super fast) connection of your phone.

Most people want to (and can) be reachable 24/7, but with autism and ADHD, it has its perks, especially when being in a mental state where there is no more platform to communicate actively with other parties. Most people see real-time messaging as granted and can become mad when you do not respond (in a timely manner) to a message being sent to you, making the anxiety and stress only raise in level.

Continue reading “realtime messaging can be wonderful too!”

How I order paperwork structurally?

How I order paperwork structurally?

Now, this one is a heavy one to come out with, because it is something which I am entirely not proud of. Not only is structural order a necessity in every modern house, but it is also the only way, to be able to receive people in a “clean” environment, without getting the instant thought of being a caveman or worse. Paperwork can already make a huge difference in that setting.

Less clutter is less input and will provide more focus, upon the essential. Continue reading “How I order paperwork structurally?”

How do I grasp time?

How do I grasp time?

There’s always a great pun with me and idioms about time. A lot of people say that time flies, every second counts, time is money and other taglines. That’s all too great, if I had any concept of time! Especially when someone says to me “wait a minute”, I get that smile on my face and instantly think: “how long do you want that minute to be?”… Continue reading “How do I grasp time?”

Coping with (insane) stress levels

Coping with (insane) stress levels

The mind is a strange but beautiful organ, which can do great things. Mine works great and different, with a high IQ when there is no stress at all. But as soon as that demon called stress comes knocking on my door, the house starts to shake on it’s grounds.

If there is one thing which I cannot state enough about this demon, is that stress is disastrous for autism combined with ADHD. When stress gets added to the mix, it has direct effect upon my processing power, sensitivity and thinking processes. My efficiency drops by large amounts the higher the stress becomes, rendering me sometimes not possible to function good in society. Continue reading “Coping with (insane) stress levels”

Again on Rilatine! – medicine

Again on Rilatine! – medicine

This solution was already a few times under discussions by my previous two psychiatrists, to help me finding some structure back, but tried to push away this medicine for as long as I could, because of the bad experiences with Rilatine and Concerta around my 23 years old. Because of a huge structural needs, it was time to try this again… Continue reading “Again on Rilatine! – medicine”

How to shower most efficiently?

How to shower most efficiently?

Showering is quite an important fact in life, we cannot disagree upon that and since I live alone, it has to happen economically, efficiently and ecologically; in short: to not waste too much water (and money) on a daily base.

Because I got no time concept, I can stand under my shower for ten minutes but also for an hour, depending how cold it is outside and maybe because the position of the planets with the sun, who knows?!

Basically, there is no real indicator of time in my bathroom, till it got me thinking for solutions. It didn’t only get me thinking how to shower most efficiently, but also if my showering routine was sufficient enough towards general hygiene.. Continue reading “How to shower most efficiently?”

Agression by NS personnel on train!

Agression by NS personnel on train!

Today something very tragic happened on the train from Antwerpen to Den Haag (train 1222 from 10:36). The conductor went totally out of line, because he assumed I was an east-European guy without a ticket; so it escalated from verbal violence straight to physical violence and an unlawful arrest by the authorities. This is a rough translation.

Part 1: Yelling to me for my ticket?..

Conductor: Hey, you there, Ticket!
Me: Ok, moment <while taking off my backpack>
Conductor: No! TICKET NOW!!
Me: hey! May I maybe take it?!
Conductor: I saw you moving from behind to the front, your TICKET NOW IMMEDIATELY!!
Me: I was searching a place to sit and am having a phone call, what is going on?!? Continue reading “Agression by NS personnel on train!”

The diagnosis of Asperger and ADHD

The diagnosis of Asperger and ADHD

Dissect my brains, I am ready!

Today was that first day of many, which I was really frightened about. I was never that comfortable with people peeking inside my brain, knowing about my past, present and possible future. This research felt exactly the same as to get ready for that colonoscopy from hell and my bowels were already complaining their way out of that office… Continue reading “The diagnosis of Asperger and ADHD”

ADHD is an invention (by Jerome Kagan)

One of the biggest psychologists on the world has been interviewed about his book “Psychology’s Ghost”, which can be found in Der Spiegel and the Belgian Knack. This is the English version, which is too important to be ignored. 

Harvard psychologist Jerome Kagan is one of the world’s leading experts in child development. 

In a SPIEGEL interview, he offers a scathing critique of the mental-health establishment and pharmaceutical companies, accusing them of incorrectly classifying millions as mentally ill out of self-interest and greed. Jerome Kagan can look back on a brilliant career as a researcher in psychology. Still, when he contemplates his field today, he is overcome with melancholy and unease. He compares it with a wonderful antique wooden chest: Once, as a student, he had taken it upon himself to restore the chest with his colleagues. He took one of its drawers home himself and spent his entire professional life whittling, shaping and sanding it. Finally, he wanted to return the drawer to the chest, only to realize that the piece of furniture had rotted in the meantime. If anyone has the professional expertise and moral authority to compare psychology to a rotten piece of furniture, it is Kagan. A ranking of the 100 most eminent psychologists of the 20th century published by a group of US academics in 2002 put Kagan in 22nd place, even above Carl Jung (23rd), the founder of analytical psychology, and Ivan Pavlov (24th), who discovered the reflex bearing his name.  Continue reading “ADHD is an invention (by Jerome Kagan)”

My way of living (with ADHD)

My way of living (with ADHD)

This article has been written in 2003 and will superseded soon with “Living with ADHD, 13 years later”. There are a few (cosmetic) changes, tips and techniques changed to this article in 2016. Most of the situational details have been changed over the years, which will be discussed in the new article. In 2003, there was not yet a diagnose of autism, which resulted this text to be a mix of ADHD and autistic treats.

Sorry for that. I am not a psychologist.

My way of living (with ADHD)?

A lot of people knowing me think I am weird …

This is partially because I am very straightforward; I am humorist most of the times, got a mood when I wake up (like anyone else) and have different moods during the day. I am sleepy at undefined times and restless at night. Loose things very fast, am very creative, like to do things “my way”. I am very righteous and very neutral in reactions, I am very easy distracted, have currently 14 windows open and am doing multiple things at the same time …
Continue reading “My way of living (with ADHD)”

The first diagnose of ADHD

The first diagnose of ADHD

My phone rang around ten in the morning about two years ago and received the dreadful diagnose of ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). The result was to be expected, because my mom has ADHD in a heavy degree.

The doctor also suspected ASS (Autism Spectrum Syndrome) but had to be tested first before that conclusion could be taken. The thought that I could be autistic was scaring me at first. Continue reading “The first diagnose of ADHD”