My way of living (with ADHD)

This article has been written in 2003 and will superseded soon with “Living with ADHD, 13 years later”. There are a few (cosmetic) changes, tips and techniques changed to this article in 2016. Most of the situational details have been changed over the years, which will be discussed in the new article. In 2003, there was not yet a diagnose of autism, which resulted this text to be a mix of ADHD and autistic treats.

Sorry for that. I am not a psychologist.

My way of living (with ADHD)?

A lot of people knowing me think I am weird …

This is partially because I am very straightforward; I am humorist most of the times, got a mood when I wake up (like anyone else) and have different moods during the day. I am sleepy at undefined times and restless at night. Loose things very fast, am very creative, like to do things “my way”. I am very righteous and very neutral in reactions, I am very easy distracted, have currently 14 windows open and am doing multiple things at the same time …

I have my own way of drawing things, which can be found on my Project Art website, my own way of living, my own way of thinking which you can see on this site … Am also very artistic in things .. even in music …

It started to get me thinking …

I have been thinking a very long time about this and I never had a explanation for it .. Though I felt like a individual using all his brainpower (and body) to reach something …

I feel good !…

I have reached a lot of goals, I feel quite good with these goals, I have a satisfaction making my own sites, making my own photographs and drawings, making/playing my own (style of) music, doing everything my way … and it feels good!

I am kind of that guy which does a lot, can do a lot, and I feel that I have achieved already a quite good history in my life. I am optimistic and pessimistic at the same time.

ADD/ADHD ?

Until a few days ago everything was starting to make sense … Talking to a American friend who has the same symptoms.

My friend he is having ADD/ADHD as well, which make me curious and I started looking around on the web. I came on some very serious interesting tests and started to fill them in on myself.

AD(H)D means Attention Deficit (Hyperactivity) Disorder

All those questions in that test were so obvious to me, all characteristics I have been having for my life are all in those single tests. After finishing the tests these suggested me to go to a doctor and to do a test with him. That’s what I am doing at this moment…

What does this mean to me ?

I finally started to know the reason why my behavior is like that, I finally started to know why I am mostly late when I have a appointment, why am I sometimes that chaotic with my papers and why I am very artistic … It all started to give me a sense in my own life … It’s nice to know and it’s nice to have a certain recognition for what I have, a name for it … At a lot of things I am already starting to improve, I am less chaotic, I am less messy and I am more time-prone but still it stays sitting there in my brain it I am still a mess at my own administration ..

“Time is a black hole for me, Music gives back my time!

I can base a lot of my time on music, how long I work, how long I shower …

When playing for a audience I use my feeling to feel the crowd, I am using their time!

What does this mean to you ?

Nothing more and nothing less, if you know me in real life you should already know I am a pretty strange person… And you come along with me or you don’t; that’s the same I think with other people I like somebody or I don’t like somebody.

So here is a little WARNING to you!…

Just be warned before you make decisions I do not want to listen to you or I am uninterested because I might be VERY interested but my mind is just not pointing to it at that moment.

What’s the good side and the bad side?

I am going to make a extensive list here with both good and bad sides … Why? Because I do not want to make a user-manual on my site how I am and how I react, but rather want to make a nice reference how I think in good ways and in bad ways.

Now, currently I am actually wondering if I should be starting with the (-) or with the (+) but since it has both points I will start with a positive point because I live positive by it …

positive (impact) negative (impact)  

This list is not complete, it only describes; in own words; what I go through and even what you could go through with me being ADHD. A lot of things I have found ways to already cope with it and minimize the bad results but also a lot of things I have not. I did found my guts to be very safe with everything I say and do so I never bring my or an-others life in danger! Another good note, everything in BOLD is quite interesting to know!

• (+) I remember everything I have done in my life, almost every single action I can remember with just a few hints!
• (+) I do something because I really want to, I do it with my heart and soul!
• (+) I mostly only need a half word to really understand somebody, I understand somebody very easy; I know questions before they are finished, …
• (+) With help I can be very organized, bills get paid, … (thanks to my business partner currently!)
• (+) Once I start something it needs to be finished in the best detail, if I start playing music the mix needs to be perfect, my drawings need to be finished perfectly and site designs need to be top-a-bello!
• (+) I can do multiple things at once (hyper-focusing), You can call it some sort of multitasking. but also with (a lot of) idle times
• (+) I am quite original solving things, am very good in finding solutions and have a very good sense of humor, I want the party to keep going!
• (+) I have a high sense of being righteous and look thru people all the time, I know people very easy by just talking to them!
• (+) Once I am on the job there is nobody that can stop me!
• (+) I have a great ability of sensing emotions and feelings of somebody else, I could almost feel what the other person feels.
• (+) I often get parties starting, and sure get often parties starting when I am the DJ in the house!
• (+) I am very loyal and when liking somebody I do anything for that person.
• (+) I have the neatest ideas when my mind gets rolling, I think about features, ways of doing things, endless possibilities and ways of fixing/creating something …
• (+) I am very neutral, I can enjoy things mostly more intense than most other people and … I can cook very good!
• (+) I am straight of my heart, say my opinion and do not lie about these. I do not steal and I respect every living being (and object!) on this planet for 100%, even my worst enemy! (although it could be I do not like that one, I still do not disrespect!) I do not like discrimination, racism, …
• (+) I look towards the world through a unique perspective and use that look positively towards others.
• (+) I find out instructions and am very easy with the most technical machines/software without even reading the instructions
• (+) My impulsive behavior makes me open in my heart and mind! Beat that!
• (+) I am very creative in my house and work which brings good emotions to me and others!
• (+) I am mostly full of energy, go straight-to-the-point, don’t go through ways and see through people very fast if they are not straight to the point!
• (+) I want to be appreciated and tend to work on that to get that result, I give respect but demand respect too!
• (+) I find things very fast on the ground (like money), mosquitoes on the walls (heh), … I have a very sharp vision for unusual things around me.
• (+) I want to be individually, it makes me originally, it makes me: me!
• (+) People cannot make me look silly quite fast, people cannot play with me very easy, I look straight through such kinds of behaviors. I don’t believe very fast either!
• (+) I am myself, I always will be there for myself, I always show and am proud of myself and will do everything to keep it that way …
• (+) I am with my both legs on the ground, I see through somebody how he looks or behaves, I mostly feel/know how that person really is…
• (+) I feel/notice unique relationships between people very fast and respect these with any cost!
• (+) I like to show my work to people, get positive comments about my work but I see through comments that are being lied or just to “start a conversation” …
• (+) I never do things the same, I never will be a gray mouse and I will always stay original, it’s my nature!
• (+) I am very sharp in actions, when leading a project it needs and will be finished without imperfections!
• (+) I hear when there is a problem very easy, something that is “not the same as normally”, like a server going down, a PC dying, …
• (+) My work always needs recognition or a signature, it defines me and something coming out of my mind always needs to be unique …

 

• (-) I have difficulties remembering names, addresses, streets, ages, birth dates and phone numbers…
• (-) I am very chaotic with my administration, bills, papers, … I am often too late in paying stuff or remembering these even!
• (-) I can’t listen to instructions/manuals very easy, I do listen but I tend to think/want to do something else instead …
• (-) I have troubles to make my own diary-per-day, my to-do list, my own agenda.
• (-) I can’t concentrate very easy, whenever I am uninterested concentration is something non-existing for me.
• (-) I am very easy distracted by somebody else, I loose work and eye-for-detail when that happens.
• (-) I loose things quite often, my keys, wallet, other objects, papers, …
• (-) I can’t listen very good and often interrupt conversations.
• (-) I tend to get bored quite fast and do something else if it is getting too boring, I could not do pure office work, it needs to be something stimulating and changing!
• (-) I need my own time when doing things, my own place, I can’t be stressed and sometimes need to think twice before doing something …
• (-) My organization sucks, both in my house as work.
• (-) I have a lot of papers and mess in my house and it doesn’t get better!
• (-) If I don’t move continuously I don’t feel good and can’t think without moving/brainstorming, I can talk better over the phone instead of sitting on a table to brainstorm.
• (-) I think skeptical, negative and sometimes in a doomsday, I am pessimistic.
• (-) I am sometimes too impulsive, though learned to think before doing things, I say whatever I think, learned to use tact.
• (-) I see a lot of negativity happening on the world what makes me down, I see racism, discrimination, misusing, abuse, ….
• (-) I read the user-manual when I really NEED to read it and do not read it before I use something … I don’t like instructions …
• (-) I tend to be very easy annoyed when people are not straight-to-the-point, I tend to know when they lie or try to do something to me, I literally see thru them.
• (-) I have a tendency to be late, chronically late, or I need to think 2 hours ahead which is most of the times a really bad problem. Time is a black-hole …
• (-) I tend to be tired easy, a day long, in the afternoon, at the evening, …..
• (-) I almost never ask people how they feel, what they did, how their work was, there is an interest but it is not spontaneous in a question.
• (-) I can get scared by the silliest things, my cat, something falling, firework, the doorbell, …
• (-) I am oversensitive with noise and light, light tends to be too hard or a freezer that makes noise is really starting to piss me off sometimes!
• (-) I am sometimes very bad in traffic, I do not like people to be in my way, I do respect everybody though a lot of people just can’t drive
• (-) I cannot finish work in a time limit, the harder I work the worse it will get, the more pressure, the more demotivation …
• (-) I cannot read books very easy, I tend to start very focused but my interest in reading fades away when turning the pages …
• (-) I have troubles with intimacy, am sometimes childish, egocentric and can suck up attention.
• (-) I have difficulties seeing the needs and activities of somebody else as a needed thing…
• (-) I am inpatient when something does not work out, sometimes even have the feeling to run away from certain situations …
• (-) I have frequent mood changes on one day, I can go from extremely happy to extremely sad of stubborn …
• (-) Sometimes I can get very-very mad, I keep adding to the bucket and once it cannot get one drip more I can have a hysterical outburst … better don’t be in my neighborhood then !
• (-) I think too much and tend to stay awake at night when thinking too much, I think peeing, I think sleeping and even if I am dead I’d probably stay thinking!

This list is far from complete, but describes my feeling, how I react and how I think and this is related with ADD/ADHD.

“A Leo with ADHD …

a good combination?

Trying to perfect-ionize the imperfect?! lol

What does this mean in short ?…

To only describe the negative things in ADD/ADHD…

Time is a black hole for me, I am not always motivated because things go too well or things tend to not go at all because they are too similar every time. I need to have changes in my life and it needs to stay interesting for me. Desk-work would never work for me and people (and me!) need to go straight-to-the-point.

Don’t try to lie because most of the times I will look through your lies anyway.

What now ?

Nothing more .. I already am learning to live with it, I have papers in every room, I take notes whenever I need to, I keep to-do lists for my work, I keep all my emails and logs of my conversations so I can easy remember what/who/where something happened …

As a matter of fact this article is not finished yet, and I will finish it as soon as I can, this is already a lot of words coming out of my guts and actually also a WARNING to other people so they know who they are talking to.

Links …

• A complete link-list of DMOZ about ADD/ADHD.http://dmoz.org/Health/Mental_Health/Disorders/Child_and_Adolescent/ADD_and_ADHD/
• A Dutch website called Hersenstorm.com @ http://www.hersenstorm.com/
• My ADHD EULA @ http://zkboi.com/eula
• A test of the Amenclinic.http://www.amenclinic.com/ac/addtests/adult1.asp
• A dutch test from Hersenstorm.com @ http://www.hersenstorm.com/
• A complete dutch link-list about ADD/ADHD @ http://dmoz.org/World/Nederlands/Gezondheid/Geestelijke_Gezondheid/Stoornissen/ADD_en_ADHD/
• A link to a American friends website with ADHD @ http://nettrip.org/alien/adhd.html